Five Minute Friday: EXTREME

    This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing, shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: EXTREME.

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I am all or nothing.  Seriously.  I will give everything I have to a project, or I won't try it.  That is why there are 10 drafts sitting in my inbox, ready to be filled out.  I promised myself I would do all of the prompts for 2022, and though it might take me until the end of 2023, I will get them done!

I will run myself ragged to complete a task.  I won't do it half-heartedly.  I will do it all the way.  I'll go above and beyond.  Go big or go home.

For instance... I've gone back to school.  Grad school isn't for the weak, you guys...

I am pouring my heart and soul into the work.  Things are taking me 3 times as long to complete because I am enjoying the process so much!  I get tunnel vision and won't stop until it's perfect.  

My husband says that I can do the minimum and still get a degree.  I say I want a 4.0!  I will spend two hours on assignments that are only worth 10 points in order to do them perfectly.  Is it excessive?  Absolutely.  Is it paying off?  I think so... Especially in the long run.

Today, I had another professor ask if they could use my research paper as an example for the classes moving forward.  I'll take the pat on the back.  I work too hard and put too much effort into something that no one will see, and no good will come from.  I have something to say, and I'm gonna say it, dangit!

Getting it done in the midst of the constant chaos

Humble(ish) brag:  I am smart!  I am a good student!  and I am doing the damn thing!

My little study buddy (Ellie) who doesn't want to ever sleep!

Five Minute Friday: SHOW

 This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: SHOW

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My favorite big girl in the whole world comes up and gives me the sweetest hug. When I go to let go, she pulls me in tighter. 

“Oh, this is a GOOD hug! Thank you, baby. I needed a good hug this time. That was perfect. How did you know?”

“Your nose gets really red, so I know you are gonna cry.”

She is no stranger to my tears. I wear my heart on my sleeve and every emotion in my brain comes out through my eyes.

Happy… tears

Sad… tears

Mad… tears

Frustrated… tears

Scared… tears 

Sappy commercials… tears

Feel good endings… tears

I’m an empath, and can’t help but feel big feelings. And so does my little middle love. 

I pray she never loses her ability to see people. Even when they don’t want to be seen. Even when they try to hide. I pray she always looks.

STOP.

Millie (6) and Lucy (2)

 

Five Minute Friday: SIMPLE

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing, shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: SIMPLE.

When did it get so complicated?

Every few days, there seems to be another event or party that we can’t miss.

November through January are always jammed packed with all the things.

I know it’s so that we can give them a magical childhood,

but good gracious.

So.Tired.

And it’s only December 9th, (I think).

A baby in a manger.

Advent.

The anticipation of the coming Christ.

A messiah sent,

born in a stable

in a barn

in the middle of nowhere.

No fanfare.

No event.

Just silence

and a baby’s first cry.

That’s what it’s always been about.

All the other stuff is fluff.

Seems like I just need some reminding.

My sweet little Angel, sheep and two spectators
at our church's Family Night in Bethleham production. 

Five Minute Friday: REPRESENT

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing, shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: REPRESENT.

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It's funny to me how we are recognized according to certain groups.  A running joke in our marriage when we go somewhere is whether I'll be recognized as Jeff's wife or he will be recognized as Jen's husband.  It all depends on the relationship within which we are being referenced.  

It's a social experiment of sorts:

Did we meet the person at the same time?  Is one of us closer to the person?  Does it change over time when we both have known the individual for a long time?

Is it a UMHB connection?  Then I'll 100% of the time be Jeff's wife.  

If it's someone in the Hope world, he will typically be "Jen's husband".  

Haiti?  Madam Jeff, all the way.

Hope House?  Mr. Jen.

But, more often than not, I'm the wife of the easily recognizable Jeff.

I am many things, but by far, my most favorite is Jeff's wife. 

Five Minute Friday: FORGET

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: Forget

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We are over 10 years into this parenting journey.  Our biggest, and first love just turned ten, our middle turned six, and our littlests just turned two.

Apparently, I have kids every four years. Specifically every Election and Olympics year.  Not planned, obvs. During those four years, it is incredible how much I don't remember each stage.  When baby toys were replaced by toddler toys, it was about time to bring out the baby toys, again.  I think I haven't "put up" a single toy in the past ten years.

In between these swaps, so much was forgotten.  The lack of sleep.  The demands of feeding a baby. The isolation of gatherings, sequestered to a back room to nurse or put the baby down for a nap.  The feeling of a baby softly breathing on your neck.  The first everythings.  The uncontrollable laughing fits.

However, about the time I forget, a new love comes along to remind me just how special each stage is.

STOP.

Christmas 2014

Christmas 2018

Christmas 2022

Five Minute Friday: PERFORM

     This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing, shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: PERFORM.

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14.  That is the number of FMF's sitting in my draft folder.  I believe that is all of them.  But I definitely need to go back and ensure I haven't missed any.  At the beginning of 2022, I decided that I will focus on writing and finish each prompt for this year. That was before I decided to begin my Master's this Fall, so needless to say, I'm a little behind. 

It seems like too big a number to get accomplished before the end of the year.  Especially since I will have another four or five to do before 2022 ends.

BUT, I set out to finish this goal for the year, and goodness I am going to do it.  It might take me until the end of 2023 to get it done, but this is one goal I will finish!  Grad school sure put a stop to my diligence in completing these each week (or a few at a time).

Here's to hoping I remember to make it a priority!

STOP.

Five Minute Friday: ROAD

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing, shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: ROAD.

Straight

Windy

Open

Standstill

Less traveled

Popular

Back roads

Traffic

Lonely

Speedy

Slow

Empty

Packed

Standstill

Creeping

Broken

Underwater

Cracked

Unknown

Dirt 

Unexpected

Clay

Concrete 

Shifting sand 

No matter what it looks like.  No matter the conditions.  No matter who is traveling beside.  He is always there, leading the way. 

Five Minute Friday: SPONTANEOUS

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing, shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: SPONTANEOUS. 

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So my goal for this year was to do every prompt given through the Five Minute Friday series.  I had been doing SO WELL!  I have been so impressed with myself that I have taken the time to do something "for me", even if it was just 10 minutes (ok, so I cheat a little) to get it done.  I actually followed through each week!  That is, until Aug 8th, also known as the week I started grad school.  WOOF, is all I have to say.  I am so busy with the kids, and work, and ministry, and now an extra 30 hrs a week of school work with reading, papers, assignments, tests, etc.  

Have. Mercy.

So, some things have had to be put on the back burner.  This blog, with the 5 empty draft posts, is right there next to my nightly Netflix binge and quality time with my husband.

I think the issue is that I really need more than 5 minutes to make this work.  The words might take five to type out, but in all honesty, I have to mull over the topic for a bit before I can decide what to write.  I can't think of something off the cuff like that, especially when it's going to be shared on the internet (to the three people who will actually read it).

Maybe I should be more willing to let things not be perfect and let be what will be.

Nah, probably not gonna happen.  But it's nice to think about. 

Either way, I'm going to get them all done before the end of the year.  Somehow.  Sometime.

STOP. (For real five minutes this time)

Five Minute Friday: TOGETHER

 This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: TOGETHER

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This time next week, we will enter a new stage.  One I've dreaded for 5 years and 10 months.  Millie is going to Kindergarten!

She is so ready.  She is smart.  Fiercely independent.  A loyal friend.  And brave beyond belief.

She is a momma's girl, through and through.  Over the past two years, we have spent a ton of time together.  She missed out on almost two years of daycare because of COVID, so she hasn't had the socialization that Jude had at her age.  However, her going off to school just feels different.  She didn't get very much 1-on-1 Momma time.  Jude came home from school in early 2020 when COVID hit and the babies came that same year.  I feel like her 'middle childness' hit her in the midst of so much life upheaval. A pandemic, my high risk pregnancy, no more daycare, Jude at home 24/7, moving homes, missing our church and Sunday school, Jude doing virtual school at home, twin baby sisters arrive and stay in the NICU for a month, with MIA Momma and Daddy as a result, and even more isolation to keep us all safe.

It's fine.  We're fine.  She's gonna do great.  I know it.  I will eventually get on board.  I'm excited to see her blossom into who the Lord has made her to be.  But right now, all I know is that I'm gonna miss my little sidekick and I'm sad this stage is a week away from being officially over. 

Five Minute Friday: BE

 This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: BE

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Be still and know that I am God.

Be of good courage!

I hardly ever talk about it, but I had cancer.  Parotid Gland Cancer to be exact.  Somehow, for some reason, cancer decided to set up shop in my parotid gland... It's an extremely rare form of head and neck cancer, but despite it being rare, it happened to me.

I had no symptoms, no clues as to what was going on, other than a very slow growing lump in front of my ear.

At one of my OBGYN appts, I finally had to courage to bring it up, "Hey, I've noticed this lump.  Is this some weird pregnancy thing?" cause if I've learned anything after 3 go 'rounds, pregnancy is cuckoo cocopuffs.  

Turns out this is a story that's longer than 5 minutes, so I'll just end by saying, as I was being wheeled into surgery, scared out of my mind, I kept reciting Joshua 1:9... "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go....

even here.  Even in this surgical room."

STOP___

Five Minute Friday: CHANCE

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: CHANCE

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So, I'm starting school on Monday.  I am almost as nervous and I am excited. It's going to be so different this time around... 

I graduated with my BS in 2007.  The last time I went "back to school" was after I graduated HS in 2003, which was really just a continuation of my education in a new place.  I had never taken a break in my education before, let alone a 15 year one.  That realization is shocking. 

However, last time I was in school, I had notebooks, binders, and a lot of notecards and highlighters.  This go around, I have my computer, an ebook and a big ol' pot of coffee brewing at 11:00pm.

This program is all online, which is truly the only way I could make this happen.  I work full time in a thriving ministry, not to mention my four kids, two of whom "work from home" with me every day.  Do I really have time to work on a Masters degree on top of my life right now?

Who knows how this is gonna go, how long it'll take, or how much I'll love it until I give it a chance.  Ready or not, here I go!

Five Minute Friday: PROPOSE

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: PROPOSE.  

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I had spent the day in the lab, researching liver cancer, by harvesting cells from rodents.  I was so gross, but I was tired.  We had plans that night to go to UMHB's Homecoming Pep Rally.  I was going with friends instead of Jeff, but that didn't seem weird because he had to work the event.  My roommate Jan convinced me to shower. 

Jeff came over for a few minutes before we left for some reason, but I can't remember why.  I remember seeing that a friends sister got engaged, and I exclaimed "EVERYONE is getting engaged!".  I didn't even really care, but for some reason I said it anyway.

We headed over to Taco Cabana for dinner then headed to the soccer field where the fireworks show would be.  We loved fireworks, and we loved UMHB.  This was the first Homecoming since we graduated, so it made since to me that all our friends would be there.  

The pep rally was great, I'm sure, but I was really there for fireworks.  

We had a front row seat, but moved to the front to get a better look once the fireworks started.  

Jeff came over to watch with us, and I remember saying "My dad would love this".  

Once the show was done, the MC (Jeremy Williams) said, "But wait.  There's one more thing."  And Jeff turned me back toward the field, and I saw fireworks written out, "Jen Marry Me? Jeff"  

I looked back and my sweet boyfriend was down on one knee.  He said, "Jen I love you.  Will you marry me?" 

I was so surprised that I kept asking, "Wait, is this a joke?  Are you serious?" because he hadn't even told me he loved me yet... just the 'thank you' after I would tell him each time.

Alas, it wasn't a joke and after I said yes, to a crowd full of people cheering, I was turned around and all of our families were there.

It was the most special surprise I've ever gotten, and the best YES!  I've ever uttered. 

Five Minute Friday: TWENTY

 This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This (last's) week’s prompt is: TWENTY.  

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We are a large group.  Twenty plus me.  Four I birthed, one I married, and 15 that were, or have become, a part of my new family.  In 2009 when I became a part of the group, there were only 9 of us, but we have been quite prolific.

I've never been a part of a large family.  In fact, my side of the family consists of a mom, dad, sister, and a few cousins.  Before my grandma died, there were more that would gather, but it was nothing like the Suttons.

When we are all together, we are quite the sight.  Boisterous, hilarious, and to outsiders, overwhelming.  I remember walking into the room for the first time and being so taken aback at the size of the 'family is coming over'. 

Twenty plus me.  I'm so thankful to be a piece of the puzzle. 

30A Vacay 2022

Five Minute Friday: TRUST

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This (last's) week’s prompt is: TRUST.  

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My kids love their daddy.  In a way that is totally different from me.  And it is so sweet to see.  One of my favorite things is how much they trust him.  As soon as he gets on the floor, they know they are about to have a good time!  Whether it's a tickle war, pillow fight or flying lesson, they are always game.

I, of course, always look on from the sidelines, fearing for a broken bone or concussion, as there are so many people in such a little space, but that has yet to happen.  In fact, most injuries are under my watch!

I can't believe the things my babies are able to do at such an early age.  Before they were able to stand on their own, they were able to stand in Daddy's hands.  Before the could walk, they could fly in the air, in a way that left me unable to look.

Jude on the left (20mo)

Millie (7mos)

Ellie and Lucy (7mos)

It is always scary, but looking back, after the danger has passed, it is one of my favorite things they do. 

STOP.

Five Minute Friday: AWARE

  This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This (last's) week’s prompt is: AWARE.  

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The bigs and I were in an accident in February.  Read about it HERE.

We were smashed into from the back while sitting at a stoplight.  So, I guess my sense of security is broken.  Ever since, I have had anxiety with driving.  It's not all of the time, but at certain situations.  

I am acutely aware of anyone behind me.  I make sure we have an adequate distance, and that I have plenty of room in front of me to escape.

Any time we have to quickly slow down on a road, I immediately glance at our back mirrors and see how close the person behind us is.  Are they going to fast?  Will they be able to stop in time?  Are all four cars seats tight enough?

I didn't realize it was as bad as it was until we went on a longer trip (not just around town) and Jeff was driving on the highway, on a trip to IKEA.  Every slight touch of the break sent my heart into my throat, my eyes to the mirrors, and a crushing grip on the door.

I'm sure the more I am in the car, the better it will get. But right now, all I see in the rearview mirror are the headlights that hit us and ran. 

STOP.

Five Minute Friday: Guess

 This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This (last's) week’s prompt is: Guess.  

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I love surprises. Big. Small. Medium.  I don't care.  As long as I don't see it coming.

One of my favorite things about being a momma is the gifts that my kids get for me.  Jeff and I always let the kids choose.  More often than not, the gifts end up being something for the "family" ie, a game the big kids really want.  Over the years we have been given board games, kites, bubbles, a whole slew of Unicorn gifts, and of course the #1 Mom mug.  Jeff has gotten "a shirt with our faces on it so he can take us to work".

However, this Mother's Day, there was no way I was going to guess this gift.

That's right, an inflatable unicorn water slide. 

For the first few weeks we had it in our front room.  The twins loved it because we filled it with their balls and they can slide into them, which lets me get a little bit of work done.  

Last week, Jeff finally put it outside and filled it with water.  

Needless to say, the ridiculousness actually turned into the perfect gift.  Getting to watch my kids play carefree in our yard. 

Five Minute Friday: STIR

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This (last's) week’s prompt is: STIR.  

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I sent my 9 year old to VBS for the first time since the pandemic.  We have been doing virtual church for almost two years, with the exception of the day we dedicated the babies in person, so it was a big deal for him to go 'inside' church.  

He was so excited to go, especially since it was for kids in 1st-5th grade.  In his words, "I just need a little break from all the girls"... I can't blame the guy.

Well, today was Day 4 of VBS.  If you run in Southern Baptist circles, you know what that means: Decision Day. It's the day where the leadership presents the Gospel and has counselors around the room to walk kids through asking Jesus into their hearts. 

At pickup time, Jude got into the car and said, "Momma, I made a decision today!" Immediate tears welled up in my eyes.  I texted Jeff to get to his office and we sat in his parking lot to tell him the news, with the girls screaming in the back. 

We knew this day was coming.  We've known for a long time.  He has been so close.  Our conversations have gotten deeper.  He "knows" all of the answers to our questions.  He has sat through countless sermons and Hope House lessons, and has had plenty of opportunities to make it real to him, but today was his day.  It was no ones decision but his.  

Exactly 9 years and 8 months since he came into this world.  6/16/22.  The day my son became my brother. 

Five Minute Friday: DANGER

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: DANGER.  

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Ellie is right there.  

Sitting next to me while I'm on a work call.  

She's as content as could be, reaching for a snack at the table.  

As I turn my eyes back to my computer, she stands up, turns around, and flips her chair.  

On the way down she is launched headfirst into the wall, and lands, right on her ribs on the metal rod on the back of the chair.  

Her tummy immediately bruised as did the goose egg on her forehead.  

A simple slip.  

An accident.  

A trip to the ER.  

A small concussion, but no internal injuries.  

It could have been so much worse, but we were spared.  

A few weeks earlier, it was Lucy.  Not nearly as bad.

I was right there, again, as it happened.

I had my phone out, taking a photo as Ellie was on the table, using a whole bag of tortillas chips to make a snow angel.

She stepped a little too far, trying to join in on the fun and fell head first into the floor.

Another goose egg, but she was fine.

The "shoulda" and "what-ifs" are inevitable after an accident, and these two incidents were no exception.  I felt horrible, but am so grateful my babies were able to rally. 

It's all around us.  

Danger. 

I feel it a lot of times.  Sometimes it feels debilitating.  

However, I am so thankful to be blissfully naïve on most days. 

Danger unaware.  

It helps me breathe.  

Five Minute Friday: HEAL

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: HEAL.  

Disclaimer: I was several behind, but in my challenge to myself to do every prompt this year, I wrote three this week.  Feel free to check them out, as they weren't included in any of the linkups.

Now, back to HEAL:

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I had never heard of the term "birth trauma" until after I had experienced it.  I thought the four letters "PTSD" were reserved for those who saw horrific things in a far off land.  I had not idea why it was so hard to bounce back to myself after the birth of my babies, but it all began to make sense.

NICU is a place I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  It is a place of indescribable fear.  Even 18 months out, I still tear up anytime I think about my time there.  Every day.  All day.  For 25 excruciating days.

Before I had experienced it, NICU was just a place for sick babies to get well.  It was just another room in the hospital.  I never pulled the letters apart to realize it was an ICU - Intensive Care Unit for newborn babies.  Wasn't it just another place?

One thing I think most people don't realize is that it is a place that kept my babies alive.  Not just another room.  Not just a nursery with extra nurses, to keep watch while I was "lucky" to get a full nights sleep.  It's a place that pulled out all the stops so my babies could survive coming months early.  The ICU for newborns.  Intensive Care Unit.  Without it, they would have died.  

Our first time holding the babies
and their first photo together 😍😍

Sister Snuggles 

Five Minute Friday: KNOW

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday series. Five minutes of free-flow writing shared with whoever wants to read it. This week’s prompt is: KNOW.  

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I know that You are good.  Even when things don't seem good.

I know that You have won the war. Even when it looks like evil is winning.

I know that You will make all things new.  Even when it looks impossible.

I know that You will never leave me. Even when I feel alone.

I know that You have a plan for me. Even when I feel like its spinning out of control.

I know that You are working all things out to bring yourself glory.  Even when I feel like you've messed it all up. 

I know that You hear me when I call. Even when I can't hear you.

I know that You care. Even when I feel like you don't.

I know that You aren't caught off guard.  Even when I am.

I know that You love me.  Even when I feel unlovable.

I know that You guide me. Even when I'm wandering in the wilderness.

I know that You give me unbelievable peace. Even when I feel defeated. 

I know that You love them.  Even when I don't.

I know that You know everything that happens.  Even when it feels like everything is burning to the ground.

I know that You will use every single second of this life for something I can't see yet.

But sometimes, its just so damn hard to believe.

STOP.